Is it ok for a 19 yr old to expect father to get very large loans for her college?

Father is still paying support for 2 younger siblings and now has agreed to another loan which brings it to 30+K. I'm worried because this is 2nd marriage %26amp; not sure why he is doing this. If she doesn't pay it we could lose our home. He didn't do that for the other 3 that went to college befor her.Also got loan for a car for her.She is only in 2nd year of school %26amp; at 30k a year I'm very worried it might break us as a couple because he seems to think it is perfectly fine to do this.She didn't choose a state run school which would have been less ,she picked a private school to be a dental hygenist when an associates degree in 1 1/2 yr would accomplish the same end result.If she goes 3yrs.over 90k...5yr program 150k. Is this insane or what? Any advice for me?

Is it ok for a 19 yr old to expect father to get very large loans for her college?
It's an idiotic idea, given the circumstances. The daughter should speak with the financial administrator at the college and arrange for a student loan through that source, or go to a community college for the first two years to get that dental hygienist degree. That certainly doesn't require a four year degree. My advice for you and your husband is for the both of you to seek counseling from a financial consultant. Perhaps your husband will see the logic after he's been advised by a notable in that field.
Reply:That's a tough situation. I guess it's OK if he thinks it is, but financially it may be a real disaster. Why didn't he do that for the other 3 students? Is he trying to "make up" or something? Money doesn't equate love. I think it's pretty insane.
Reply:She should be applying for her own student loans.
Reply:Let him get her through "this" year and have her get her own student loans and carry her own debt into her own adult life.





Sounds like he's just supporting his daughter whom he cherishes, be supportive of him, but cut that sh"** off after this year!!





cheers
Reply:she shoudl have some loans too. sounds like she should be getting a fairly well paying job, im sure she'll be able to handle it. its part of growing up and thats a big part of it, learning how to deal with money and your specific needs
Reply:That is a tough one and I think you already know the answer.





For some reason your husband feels that he should do this for his daughter. Maybe its becasue he is not with her mother any more. Who will ever know.





No its not normal for him to take out these loans. I worked to help my children through school. They were given 5 years to accomplish gettomg a BS. If they did not have their degree in five years it became their problem. It took one 10 and the other 20 years. After 5 years they were not living at home any more.





In the start they lived at home and they went to state run facilities. they took out student loans and although I told them not to be using their credit cards they had run up $40,000 in credit cards for eating out and disposable diapers and such. But its thier loans.





One school loan that I took out in my name that would have paid the tuition for four years my son spent it in a year although he was working. So my husband and I had to end up paying it off as he did not pay on it at all.





Really there is no advice. A man is going to to what a man wants to do concerning his children. I would certainly try to get down to the why of it all. Yes you are right you could lose your home and if the daughter decides its a gift both of you will end up paying it. If its a community property state you are responsible for any loan your spouse takes out. Ask him if when she starts working is she going to take out a loan to pay yours off.





Good luck.
Reply:My younger sister did the same thing, asked my mother to send to a private school for graphic design (something you can get at a community college). My older sister and I did it all on our own because we knew our parent's financial situation and knew better than to ask. It would have been wrong. However, my mother signed for the loans...knowing full well what she was doing even though I advised against it. Most student loans are due back after the student is out of school for 6 months (whether they grad. or not). If you take out additional loans (i.e. parent loans) inorder to make up the difference...these loans are usually due right away...starting with a payment of about $50 per month and moving up as she goes along (my mother is currently paying $200).





Parents feel obligated to help their children to attend college; but many people do it on their own. The adult in this situation (a 19 year old is not yet mature) is the father and he should have acted like a parent and told the girl no or at least considered other options. He should have had a discussion with his wife about it (you) considering that you signed a contract with him (marriage certificate) and your financial success or downfall is tied to his.





You need to step up and confront your husband about this. You need to tell him that you disagree with his signing for large loans without your consent, and that you suggest a community college in light of your financial situation. The daughter is going to get the same starting position and salary regardless of the school (she probably does not believe that). She will have to be convinced this is true. Urge her (and your husband) to check out jobs online and see the qualifications needed in order to gain the job she wants. She will see that a fancy expensive school is not required...only a degree (probably a 2 year associates in dental hygiene) and experience. She can make more money only by getting additional certificates or training in order to work with an oral surgeon or to apply anesthesia. I know this because I looked into this field. Good luck
Reply:The question isn't really about her expectations, but about yours, isn't it? So it's your expectations that you can usefully concentrate on.





First, figure out what is bothering you, and be truthful with yourself. There are elements of his taking action that impacts family finances without really collaborating with you. There are step-family issues, maybe? Issues of loyalty? If you can say, directly, "I can't imagine taking out a loan for $30K without you really being on board with it, why is it all right that you do?" I think you'll get farther than trying to explain to anyone that he's favoring one child, or she won't really benefit from MUCH education, kwim?


Perhaps there's a pastor, or someone you can talk to to help you get the issues unbundled so you can talk about them.





If it threatens the relationship, you need to know why. Adult men can be kind of set in their ways (apology for the generalization) and I think you'll want to consider whether this is an unusual behavior for him, or whether you're feeling excluded, in general.
Reply:I suggest he support her... but to an extent - and with limits that will be VERY clearly communicated up front..... say "one year or one semesters tuition ONLY", ... then tell her she needs to borrow the rest of the money herself, under her name. This way, there is no surprises and everyone can plan for this financially. If she can't go to a school that allows her to borrow under her own name, WITHOUT him as a cosigner, then she needs to find a cheaper school. Here are the links for her to apply for federal fin aid.





This is similar to what my step-mother did for me. She agreed to pay the first two years of my education room/board/tuition/books, and I was grateful. This is what I will do with my own son as well. Teens are not adults right away, but it sure is easy to spend other peoples money and not your own. Perhaps with this option she'll think twice about that private education. 150K is ludicrous for a dental hygienist!


Good Luck.

slippers